My Internet Love Affair
April 3, 2007Since I met M I've been diligently making countless searches for him on the Internet. I've Googled him. I've searched for him in Friendster, MySpace, and just about any website I can think of in an effort to catch a glimpse his life. I know its a bit stalker-ish but really, who hasn't done this at one time or another? Besides, I've stopped doing it after my searches proved futile, and he told me himself that he deleted his Friendster account.
Anyway, when I was still doing those searches, I found several people with the same name that he has, and I viewed these people's profiles. I haven't turned off my Friendster's Who's Viewed Me feature so, naturally, I see these people viewing me in turn (probably wondering who the crazy lady viewing their profiles was). Most of them viewed my profile almost right after I've viewed theirs so it doesn't surprise me to see them on my list. But since I've stopped this tedious exercise, the viewings have stopped considerably. So imagine my surprise when today, I saw a viewer with the exact same name, age, and location. My heart literally jumped to my throat. Damnit, even his stupid, common name has this crazy effect on me. Gaaaaaahhh!
From another one of my frequent jaunts to cyberspace, I found out his email address. Three of them, in fact. I even know his wife's. I am toying with the idea of sending him (or his wife) emails. I fantasize sending emails of my undying love, or nasty ones telling him (or his wife) what an asshole he is, or anonymous ones pretending I'm someone else. You get the picture. Yes, I am indeed a scary person. So far, I haven't done any of that, and I hope not to. I'm damaged enough as it is, and though there are so many things I want to say to him, I know I should just leave him alone. I intend to keep it that way.
From yet another one of my internet stalking activities, I found the blog site of one of the trainers he hung out with when he was here. She has hundreds of pictures posted of their night outs together with their team, and it was all nice and friendly so it was no biggie. That is, until I came across the picture from hell. It showed him singing in an acoustic bar (He told me he doesn't sing unless he's drunk.), with an arm around her while she blushes shyly. I totally gagged. The picture (I would post it here but I don't want my site tainted by her in any way.) was taken on his last night here, and I find myself wondering, did he sleep with her too? Seriously, anyone will say that she's not even pretty. She has this annoying voice that just gets on your nerves, and she's a bitch and a half. What could he possibly see in her? Does she, or anybody, even know about me? Obviously not, I'm supposed to be his big secret, and I'm starting to think that I will stay that way.
The Internet is a goldmine, its power overwhelming. I can't imagine living without it. Who would've thought it would break my heart?
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